Going everywhere and nowhere all at once.

You know when it seems like you're stuck somewhere that you never expected to be? It might be a particular lifestyle or location or mood or some other circumstance that doesn't feel quite right. In my case, I've moved from busy downtown Toronto to our family home out in the middle of the wilderness in Eastern Ontario. Now, as I have lived here before, I thought it would be fairly manageable a shift: I thought wrong!

Being dealt the proverbial blow of having lots of stuff taken out of my neck and chest, I have been struggling with not being able to do things that I haven't had to think about in quite a while. Talking a shower, for example, has become an ordeal in itself. The down and dirty is just that: I had to wait for over a month to properly wash my hair. Relax, I had a one time clean up charade with Nurse Hitler a day and a half after my surgery that got the grossness out of my hair. I guess what I am trying to articulate here is that even the simplest things in life can become an ordeal in the flashest of flashes.

Although I have spent roughly two months out here in the boonies, I've chosen to find tremendous comfort in my isolation. In hindsight, I can probably give some credit where credit is due and narrow this unexpected twist down to the moment when I created a possibility of Freedom, Health, and Harmony in my life. --Remember my rant about not knowing? Well, shortly after I was done feeling like I had Cancer: I chose to turn it into an opportunity.-- If I can't make positive out of this, then I'm not going to live through it unscathed.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, back to my point: although I'll confess that I have limited control over how I'm going to move into the NO CANCER district of recovery, I can still live my life fully and completely as I can-- RIGHT now-- intending on the fulfillment of a possibility. Excellent! No doubt, I am constantly reminded of how much I prefer the simpler life I've chosen every time I venture into Ottawa; I get uncomfortable or tired or cranky and I can't really do anything about it. At least when I am out here, I can be the master of my own destiny.

Sure, sometimes it really sucks when I have to leave something unfinished because I can't do anything more with it-- but that's just life acting like life! Sheesh! I get as frustrated as the next person when things don't go my way... and then the dust clears-- or I make it clear-- and I remind myself that my reaction is not really me. I am a young woman with wonky hormones and a sick body trying to reason my way into a better recovery than what I am already doing.

Wake up! You're body is already doing all the hard work for you-- do you get that? All you have to do is pat yourself on the back and do everything you can to support your body in every way you can. Do I make that sound too easy? Well, news flash: it is! Your body is your scope of forever... It is your shrine! Like most of us, I have taken issue with my body being too big, too squishy, not firm enough, etc. My goodness if you could feel all that I have felt of the goings on inside my body since I woke up in the recovery room. I am so impressed with my body... she doesn't really know what she's doing with all this mess that she's been left with BUT she's doing her best to keep things moving and repairing and moving some more.

Just because it feels like your stuck somewhere that is only a temporary symptom of being human-- it will pass, I promise! And also, even if you feel like you don't know what to do: DON'T let that block you from doing anything! Most human beings have no idea of what we're doing most of the time. Sure, we might have a general gist or some learned behaviour that makes us feel more efficient or comfortable at least, but NO-ONE knows everything-- NO-ONE!

N' that's how I survived... MDB

****** Here's a a CHALLENGE I'll invite you to try: go everywhere and nowhere all at once-- Go on, I dare you! ;-)