So, what the heck am I going to do about it now? What, you may ask: I am not as I have been. For starters, probably part of the hardest thing for me to deal with was losing the voice that has been my pleasure. The docs warned me. They said that I could be hoarse for the rest of my life and I would never be an Opera singer... Of course, when they first warned me I was convinced that it would never happen to me. Nawh... the cancer hadn't gotten that far and I would be just fine when they took my thyroid and lymph nodes out.

Sad but true, I've woken up to the tragic reality that things were not as good as I'd hoped-- nor are they as bad as they could be. As an actor, I of course have some portfolio material that documents what I now only faintly remember as being normal. Today, I watched my first film-- Half Empty, Half Full by Gelareh Kiazand-- for the first time since my surgery. Oooh, the chills. I don't sound or look or feel anything like that young classy broad. I mean-- make no mistake-- I am still very classy, in my own way. Classy as I can be? No. That's just a cop out. Cancer is anything but sexy or attractive or artistic... But I am not cancer.

Like most women, I have always struggled with my self-image, i.e., being comfortable in my body, finding the right clothes to wear, etc. It's weird though... That has had to change for me. I am tired and achy and overweight and scarred and loving every minute of it. I guess I've had to coach myself into realizing that this is only a temporary stage in my recovery. I don't feel the same... but I think that's pretty normal considering my latest episode of 'what the heck just happened.'

In fact, I have a pretty fabulous body. In the hospital, it became pretty clear to me that I could pretty much plan on not being able to do anything for myself for quite a while. Now, although I can do more, I am still in awe of how much my body has been doing without. It's amazing! ;-)

N' that's how I'm surviving... MDB